Wishes for a happy and prosperous New Year from John’s Beard. After contemplating the past year and thinking about the year to come – the Beard has released its list of Resolutions for 2013.
Put On Weight: Exposure to too many camera flashes by paparazzi can put wear and tear on the Beard. In 2013, the Beard resolves to add another .765 ounces of weight to protect its natural luster and retain a healthy appearance despite a busy schedule of press appearances.
Continue Drinking: Beer is healthy for beards. In England, one of the most popular shampoos is made with beer, and former Chief Justice Warren Burger used to dip his comb in beer when he groomed. In 2013, the Beard resolves to maintain a consistent regimen of drinking Rogue Ales, Porters, Lagers and Stouts in the pursuit of self-improvement.
Smoke More: The Beard has been present at the creation of many small batches of Rogue Smoked Malt. The aroma of smoked malted barley invigorates the Beard with thoughts of enjoying a glass of Rogue Whiskey and other spirits. In 2013, the Beard resolves to smoke more, creating new, interesting and unique malts for a growing line-up of Rogue Spirits.
Do Not Get Organized: Too much combing and brushing removes wanted yeast from the Beard, limiting the Beard’s contributions to further beer research and science. In 2013, the Beard resolves to resist attempts to combing, brushing and other methods to make it look better organized. The Beard hasn’t been cut in 23 years and never will be.
In addition to the above resolutions, the Beard has released a preliminary calendar for 2013.
Beard Tour Dates For 2013
Great American Beard Festival: The Beard has agreed in principle to attend a festival in its honor to be held sometime this summer in Portland, Oregon.
Seattle To Portland Bicycle Classic, July 13th – 14th: Look for the Beard pedaling through the valleys and forests of Western Washington and Western Oregon during this weekend long, 200-mile event.
The People’s Coast Classic, September 8th – 13th: A Beard Tradition! The Beard never misses this annual 363-mile fundraising bicycle ride for the Arthritis Foundation.
Follow me @johns_beard.